Archive for the ‘3. Swap the Shoptalk’ Category

You’ve heard the phrase “look before you leap.” But what does that mean when it comes to environmental writing and communications?

First, a marketing urban legend about what can happen if you don’t look before you leap: Enjoying healthy sales of its Nova automobile in the U.S., Chevrolet introduced it to Latin America — where it bombed. As it turned out, “no va” — means “no go” in Spanish, and the name was turning potential customers away.

Environmental insiders make mistakes like this all the time, but you don’t have to.

When the stakes are high, savvy communicators pre-test their message before they commit to it. Ad executives invite customers to watch their latest commercial, before they spend millions to air it. Political campaigns test out slogans and speech lines with voters, before the candidates use them on the stump. Trial lawyers practice their arguments in front of pretend juries, before they head into court.

They use the pretesting to avoid mistakes — and to sharpen their message so they get what they want.

In my practice, I help nature protection and pollution control organizations pre-test their fundraising letters, petitions, brochures, webpages, and related materials. I see some mistakes come up again and again. So here’s a short list of our own “no va” moments that you should take care to avoid:

• Mistake #1: “If only they knew.” I hear this one from my clients a lot. “If only they knew they lived in a watershed,” “If only they knew they knew the storm drain went to the creek.” So they produce materials that are long on science education and short on action messages. As you might expect, these materials produce little action.
• Mistake #2: Weak photography.Nature protection groups use a lot of pretty nature pictures. Pollution control organizations show a lot of pipes and oil slicks. No problem there, but when we pre-test those messages, test subjects often ask for photographs that demonstrate what action they can take.
• Mistake #3: Professional jargon. Scientists, engineers, and lawyers tend to use professional lingo that sends the message to the public that your message isn’t meant for them. Pre-testing your materials is great way to uncover words that you thought were plain English, but aren’t.
• Mistake #4: Too depressing. Sure, you have to convince people there’s a problem before they will do something to help solve it. But if you go to far, you will demoralize your audience.
• Mistake #5: It’s all up to you. Let’s face it. Most of the things that everyday citizens can do to protect nature or control pollution make a pretty small difference — and they know it. But when we all do our part, it adds up to something big. So it’s very important to include in your message some words and pictures about the other people who are doing their part: donating, picking up after their dog, turning off their lights, signing that petition, etc.

Learning what the five mistakes are is a great way to avoid them. And another way to avoid these mistakes is to follow some writing guidelines like the Water Words That Work environmental message method. This 4-step method incorporates the findings from many environmental message pre-tests and opinion polls.

Finally, pretesting your environmental message isn’t just for those with deep pockets anymore. I have designed our forthcoming environmental message pretest service — the Due Diligence Test Panel — to make it easy and affordable for you to catch mistakes and sharpen your message, just like major corporations and candidates for high office do. When you simply can’t afford “no va,” pretesting is a “no brainer.”

It was a great pleasure to deliver the “Water Words That Work” presentation to the Watershed Action Alliance of SE Massachusetts yesterday. Thanks to you all for being so understanding about the need to reschedule due to the great DC area blizzard.

Click the links below to download the presentations in PDF form.

• Water Words That Work
• The 4 Step Environmental Message Method

The two subject lines pretty much set the tone for all that follows: “Urge your legislators to lead Georgia into a Sustainable Future” blares the Georgia Environmental Action Network, “Coal Ash is Hazardous to Our Health” warns Earthjustice.

I gave these electronic petitions (and four others) to the  Due Diligence Test Panel to evaluate. Board members gave G.E.A.N’s email the worst overall marks, and they gave Earthjustice’s the best. The feedback broadly corroborates the Water Words That Work method:

• G.E.A.N did not follow Step Three: Swap the Shoptalk, packing its email with vague terms like “sustainable” and “rollbacks.”
• Earthjustice did follow Step Four: Insert the Words, filling its email with terms like “health,” “safety,” and “clean.”

Here are some numbers:

Click the image to a larger version

There’s plenty of market research out there which concludes that “sustainable” is eco-shoptalk, not plain English. Some everyday citizens get it, some don’t. Here are a few test panel comments that give you a flavor for how everyday citizens react to this word:

• “Leading Georgia into sustainability in the future. What sort of sustainability remains uncertain, but I’m fairly sure it has something to do with the water and the trees.”
• “What is a sustainable future? Why should we want one?”
• “No rollbacks” and “sustainable future” are terms that might be unfamiliar or difficult for some people.”

That’s probably not quite the reaction that G.E.A.N was hoping for when they wrote this. It’s certainly not the kind of reaction that leads someone to actually sign a petition.

Overall, G.E.A.N’s email is cerebral and abstract — so the sounding board’s reaction to it is faint and tentative. In contrast, Earthjustice’s email reads like the script for a Walker, Texas Ranger episode: ruthless greedy corporate villains, virtuous and innocent victims, incompetent and weak-willed bureaucrats, and a hero — you — who stands up for truth and justice by signing the petition to demand action.

The storyline is so cliched that you can hear the soundtrack in your head! But it connects. Test panel members mostly react to the message with righteous anger:

• “The issue here is an irresponsible government that prefers a dirty profitable business over the lives and health of their citizens. It should be solved as soon as possible…”
• “EPA has a plan to regulate coal ash, a very toxic waste, but lobbyists have been successful to date in blocking the approval and implementation of the plan.”
• “While the issue has not affected me personally or anyone that I know, it affects fellow citizens of this country, and its important to be concerned about others if society is to function responsibly.”

And I bet those are exactly the kind of responses that Earthjustice wanted. That’s the kind of emotional reaction that people have right before they actually sign a petition.

Click the links below for the full scoop:

• Email: Urge Your  Legislators to Lead Georgia into a Sustainable Future, Georgia Enviornmental Action Network
• Due Diligence Test Panel Review of the G.E.A.N email
• Email: Coal Ash is Hazardous to Our Health, Earthjustice
• Due Diligence Test Panel Review of the Earthjustice email

P.S. The true purpose of the Due Diligence Test Panel is to evaluate draft electronic petitions and other materials before you release them into the wild. I had the board evaluate these two already-published emails as part of the shakedown cruise for the new service. Once the service launches for real, I will share your feedback with you in private, and not post it to the blog for the world to see!

I don’t know a damn thing about the Liberty Mutual Insurance company or its products, but I do know their advertisements around the theme “responsibility” are pitch perfect. They nail all four steps of the Water Words That Work method. Too bad they’re selling insurance instead of promoting environmentally responsible behavior. Here’s the rundown:

• Step One: Begin with Behavior. Check. Look at all that responsible behavior!
• Step Two: Find Foolproof Photos. Check. Look at all that responsible behavior!
• Step Three: Swap the Shoptalk. Check. No insurance jargon. And lord knows the industry has plenty. In fact, this piece barely has any words in it at all.
• Step Four: Insert the Words That Work. Check. Basically, the only word in the whole piece is “responsibility“

Nice piece! Nice job!