Blogger’s Note: Some of the most thoughtful comments and emails I have received since launching this blog have come from Ellie Ely, who has many years experience transforming scientific jargon into plain English as editor of EPA’s Volunteer Monitor newsletter. Ellie has graciously agreed to pen a series of guest columns for Water Words That Work, and the first one appears here today. Welcome Ellie!
– Eric
Learning From Journalists
Journalists know that goal No. 1 is to hang onto the reader. In particular, journalists agonize extensively over crafting their leads (the opening sentences or paragraphs). After all, if your reader stops reading, it won’t matter what you wrote.
Unfortunately, many publications (and presentations) from environmental organizations and agencies disregard this basic reality. One common mistake is the lengthy introduction that’s all about the organization itself – its history, goals, partners, accomplishments. The reader has no reason to stick around because the writer hasn’t answered the reader’s most important question: “What’s in it for me?”
Coming up with an intriguing and inviting lead for a complex technical article is especially challenging, which is why I appreciated the way Stephen Hochbrunn started off a recent article about New England’s first desalination facility (published in the Winter 2007 issue of New England Interstate Water Pollution Control Commission’s Interstate Water Report.) A less experienced writer would likely have begun the article with a big dose of background about the complicated history, technology, and politics of desalination.
Instead, Stephen’s opening paragraphs introduce Jeff Hanson, the man who originated the idea for the desalination plant, and quote Hanson’s description of what happened when he first presented his concept, back in 1993: “It got a great big laugh. Everybody laughed. They thought it was absurd.” This lead gives the desalination story a human face, and arouses the reader’s curiosity: What changed between 1993 and 2007?
William Zinsser’s classic book On Writing Well has the best advice I’ve seen for writing leads, plus wonderfully helpful and entertaining examples. (This book is available everywhere, and since it has sold over a million copies it’s easy to find used.) Zinsser says there are no firm rules for writing a lead “except the broad one of not letting the reader get away.”
Zinsser’s “no firm rules” observation applies to writing as a whole. But even if there are no, or few, firm rules, there are plenty of useful principles and tips. These columns will review some of these and show specifically how they apply to writing about the environment.
– Ellie Ely, Writing To Be Read
Comments
Thank you, thank you. A timely reminder for a report I’ve been struggling over. Just think, your new series has already changed a life!
I also hope you will spend some time discussing the need to clarify the purpose of a communication before it is crafted. I was just working with a group on a brochure and the function of the publication was never fully clarified. I kept saying, “What is the point of this educational effort? What do you want the reader to do as a result of reading this? What information will he need to do it?” Without clarity of purpose a communicatin can become cluttered with lots of unnecessary information and jargon.
What a nice response to my first venture into the blogosphere! Thank you.
Yes, absolutely, clarifying your purpose before you begin to write is essential. I do talk about that some in my workshops (for example, I point out that one of the biggest reasons people produce vague, abstract, bureaucratic writing is that they aren’t sure what they’re trying to say). However, I focus more on what to do AFTER you begin to write. This is partly because I think there are already a fair number of publications and workshops aimed at helping people in environmental fields frame their message, define their target audience, do “market research,” etc. — i.e., stuff that you do before you start writing. But I haven’t seen as much guidance for the next step, where you actually sit down and start putting the words and sentences together. — i.e., the craft of writing. So I’m attempting to fill that gap.
